Words for my brother

Happy was the day when earth’s gravity pulled him. He was a lil mouse when I saw him first umm 21st august Morning.!  🙂 with absolutely no joy. Being 9 years older to him I never gave a thought of getting abandon as I got first and best of everything.

Anyway, my world was different; my school, my friends, homework, teachers, exams, school, skirt, ties, knot, shoes, chocolates, candies, picnic, cartoons… Blah blah but definitely “not him.”
who cared what he learned? I never tried to build a connection to him.
I always was a dominating sis… Navigating a lot of things and then forcing him to handle it ( I was same with my younger sis too, she handled it well, so why can’t he?)

About my brother Shivam (18 years ) his story is a lot like others on spectrum same time frame and order of symptoms, got typhoid at age of 2.5 years a child with all normal sequencing before, completely verbal at age of 2.5 years.
Presently Shivam is a non-verbal, v much scared of heights almost developed phobia especially with the staircase which he has climbed for 16 years.! Short span of interest towards every activity, except travelling ( which he loves when longer )
Some behaviour like spitting, flapping switches by time.! But alas.! He is adorable I’m crazy about him and he’s about drive, Pepsi, music and all luxury!

To be a sister of a child with special need means every minute is new and you never know what to expect. Going out with your friends, updating fashion trends seems completely insignificant when your sibling is struggling with basic activities of daily living. Alas! a time came when at times my friends started to fade.

I have had a unique life, You deal with a lot of emotions and anxieties that never cross the minds of others as old you. Acceptance took longer than I wanted it to… Strange looks when Shivam acted out in public. Why are those people staring at my brother? What are they saying? Please stop flapping your hands! Sometimes when a sibling has a disability you feel pressure to compensate for it. You hate your sibling, you love your sibling. It is overwhelming at first and that’s okay. Gradually I realised my little brother has needed more important than mine.

When I was little doctors said he is not typical. I wondered if my brother would ever be able to do anything. Why is he not able to eat by himself or sit nicely just for few mins or why my mom has not to take him to loo each time. I didn’t understand why he didn’t respond well to his name occasionally. I wondered if he even knew I was his sister and not just another living being around.
Then he gradually proved everything wrong started with doing all his activities on his own and moreover lil mine also. He eats nicely and if by the time you are not done your meal becomes his. He hands me my car keys, my bag, places my stuff around as and when asked too, brilliant at iPad games, moreover, his flappy bird score is more than mine. He has made strides that could inspire anyone on their darkest days.
At the end of the day, my brother has unique abilities, unlike anyone I have ever met. However, what you gain are irreplaceable life experiences that turn you into a strong, independent and caring adult who knows the true meaning of love, hard work, patience and family.

I have decided to live with him for the rest of my life, I feel like the luckiest elder sister in the whole world to have every day blessed by the honesty, innocence, and joy which he adds on.
People fear what they do not understand, understanding is the key to acceptance; to understand that everyone is different and some people need extra help, extra time, extra attention and a little extra help.
Almost a new life, you don’t know where this path ends and you just walk & walk to an unplanned path grabbing your family’s hand.

And to my brother, I love you more than words will ever be able to describe.
Thank you!

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